Jim Lemoine
Jul 19, 2004, 07:38 pm
<img src="http://www.comixfan.com/xfan/images/logos/dittol_logo.gif" align=left border=0 alt="Did I Think That Out Loud?!? logo">By Jim Lemoine, jimlemoine@comixfan.cjb.net
A Conversation on a Crisis
The following is a more-or-less-almost-completely-accurate transcript of a conversation I overheard in my local comic shop recently. Or maybe I made it up. Can't really remember.
David: Man, you have to read it. Barry and Hal were in it!
Mike: Big deal, a couple of dead has-beens are in it. Not enough to get me to pick up a book.
David: That is so not cool. Barry and Hal are... well... they're legends!
Mike: I don't try to get you to read every book that has the original Captain Mar-Vell in it.
Izzy: What are you guys talking about?
David: Identity Crisis. I just got done with the second issue. Have you read it yet?
Izzy: Nah, couldn't be less interested in all that spandex crap.
Mike: You are so missing out on Astonishing X-Men.
Izzy: Why, because Whedon's writing it? Look, just because he wrote some cult classic TV series, that doesn't automatically make him a good comic writer.
Mike: But it's Buffy!!!
Izzy: I don't like Buffy.
Mike: Blasphemy.
Izzy: I never saw what the big deal was.
David: Man, you guys have got to read Identity Crisis.
Izzy: Why should I?
David: Because it's an epic event! People are dying!
Mike: Big deal, people die all the time.
David: Important people.
Mike: Like who?
David: Well... so far, Sue Dibny's the big one.
Izzy: Who the hell is Sue Dibny? Is she that Power Girl chick?
David: No, she's... ummm... the Elongated Man's wife.
Izzy: Who the hell is the Elongated Man?
Mike: Wait a second... you mean to tell me that it's a big deal that a supporting character of the frickin' Elongated Man is dead??? That's supposed to be a big deal?
David: Well, yeah...
Mike: That's so... so...
Izzy: Could be interesting, I guess, if they did it from the personal view...
Mike: The word I was searching for was lame!!!
David: No, you just don't understand, see, she's been this major part of the J-L....
Mike: Dude, Elongated Man is like one of the worst characters ever created. He's like Reed Richards, only without the cool team leadership and super-brains. He just stretches. That's stupid.
Izzy: Man's got a point.
Mike: "Ooooh, look at me... I am the scary stretching man! Crime bows down before me!"
Izzy: Actually, I'd read that.
David: Look, just because his powers suck, doesn't mean his character sucks.
Mike: Yes it does.
David: No it doesn't. I mean, man, like having claws is such a great power...
Mike: Don't mess with Logan.
Izzy: No, please: mess with Logan.
Mike: I can't believe you're trying to compare Elongated Man to Wolverine.
David: I'm just saying that how good a story is, isn't dependent on the powers.
Izzy: You guys really need to read something other than the superheroes.
Mike: I still don't understand why Elongated Wife's death is such a big deal. I mean, she'll just be back.
David: No, she won't.
Mike: Isn't that a little naive, man? Of course she'll be back.
David: It's a crisis; she's not coming back.
Izzy: Super-types always come back.
David: Not at DC! Look at Barry Allen, or Hal Jordan...
Mike: You mean the guy who came back as the Spectre? And who's coming back as GL?
Izzy: And what about Superman? He came back from the dead.
Mike: Or Batman? He was paralyzed and came back, that's pretty close.
David: No, no... see, during one of these mega crisis events, the deaths stick....
Mike: Didn't Supergirl die in one of those?
David: Um... yes....
Mike: Peter David brought her back, didn't he?
Izzy: That man is a genius. Have you read his Spyboy?
Mike: No. But I loved his X-Factor.
Izzy: Who? He wrote some stupid X-Men book?
David: Haven't read Spyboy, but I loved his Aquaman.
Izzy: Aquaman sucks.
Mike: Besides, like I said, they'll just bring this Stretchy Wife back.
David: Supporting characters don't come back.
Mike: Aunt May came back.
Izzy: Say what?
Mike: Aunt May died during the whole clone thing. Then the writers brought her back years later. Said the woman who died was only an actress posing as Aunt May.
Izzy: That's gotta be the lamest thing I ever heard.
Mike: Yeah, well....
Izzy: And you're a big Spider-Man fan, right?
Mike: Yeah, well... uh... it's not all... y'know?
Izzy: Geez. Imagine if they killed Aunt May in the movies, and then in the sequel they brought her back using that stupid plot. Do you think anybody would see that movie?
Mike: Well, sure... it's Spider-Man.
David: He's probably right.
Izzy: This is really sad. Why don't you guys read some good stuff? Without the capes?
David: Okay, why don't you read Gotham Central? It's just about cops.
Izzy: Gotham Central as in Batman's Gotham? No thanks.
Mike: Or Runaways? That's not about superheroes....
Izzy: They've got powers. Close enough.
David: Man, you're so closed-minded.
Izzy: You're the closed-minded one.
Mike: You're both pretty sad.
David: Oh, just... just stay in your corner with your little X-books.
Mike: Don't mess with my X-Books, man....
David: Identity Crisis is a big deal. It's this huge murder mystery....
Mike: Starring Elongated Man.
David: ... not listening... with huge impact on the DC Universe!
Izzy: Yeah, just what DC needs: another universe-crossing maxi-series.
Mike: There was this murder mystery in New X-Men a while back....
David: Do not change the subject!
Mike: Look, I'm not reading it. Elongated Man? Some old Flash? Birdman? Not interested.
David: It's Hawkman.
Mike: Whatever. Look, you should be reading the big Avengers thing going down....
David: No way! The Avengers are just pale imitations of my Justice League!
Mike: Captain America's the better leader. Busiek said so.
Izzy: This is really sad.
David: Go read Bone or something.
Izzy: Yeah, I think I will.
<center><hr width=75%></center>
After a cross-country move that significantly delayed this installment of DITTOL (sorry), Jim Lemoine found a new comic shop. The selection isn't quite as good, but the bigger discount makes up for it.
<center><hr width=75%></center>
The opinions expressed in this column are solely those of the writer, and are not reflective of ComiX-Fan or its other staff in general. For the record, said writer really enjoyed the first two issues of Identity Crisis, and believed that they were much better than the oddly coincidental Identity Disc.
A Conversation on a Crisis
The following is a more-or-less-almost-completely-accurate transcript of a conversation I overheard in my local comic shop recently. Or maybe I made it up. Can't really remember.
David: Man, you have to read it. Barry and Hal were in it!
Mike: Big deal, a couple of dead has-beens are in it. Not enough to get me to pick up a book.
David: That is so not cool. Barry and Hal are... well... they're legends!
Mike: I don't try to get you to read every book that has the original Captain Mar-Vell in it.
Izzy: What are you guys talking about?
David: Identity Crisis. I just got done with the second issue. Have you read it yet?
Izzy: Nah, couldn't be less interested in all that spandex crap.
Mike: You are so missing out on Astonishing X-Men.
Izzy: Why, because Whedon's writing it? Look, just because he wrote some cult classic TV series, that doesn't automatically make him a good comic writer.
Mike: But it's Buffy!!!
Izzy: I don't like Buffy.
Mike: Blasphemy.
Izzy: I never saw what the big deal was.
David: Man, you guys have got to read Identity Crisis.
Izzy: Why should I?
David: Because it's an epic event! People are dying!
Mike: Big deal, people die all the time.
David: Important people.
Mike: Like who?
David: Well... so far, Sue Dibny's the big one.
Izzy: Who the hell is Sue Dibny? Is she that Power Girl chick?
David: No, she's... ummm... the Elongated Man's wife.
Izzy: Who the hell is the Elongated Man?
Mike: Wait a second... you mean to tell me that it's a big deal that a supporting character of the frickin' Elongated Man is dead??? That's supposed to be a big deal?
David: Well, yeah...
Mike: That's so... so...
Izzy: Could be interesting, I guess, if they did it from the personal view...
Mike: The word I was searching for was lame!!!
David: No, you just don't understand, see, she's been this major part of the J-L....
Mike: Dude, Elongated Man is like one of the worst characters ever created. He's like Reed Richards, only without the cool team leadership and super-brains. He just stretches. That's stupid.
Izzy: Man's got a point.
Mike: "Ooooh, look at me... I am the scary stretching man! Crime bows down before me!"
Izzy: Actually, I'd read that.
David: Look, just because his powers suck, doesn't mean his character sucks.
Mike: Yes it does.
David: No it doesn't. I mean, man, like having claws is such a great power...
Mike: Don't mess with Logan.
Izzy: No, please: mess with Logan.
Mike: I can't believe you're trying to compare Elongated Man to Wolverine.
David: I'm just saying that how good a story is, isn't dependent on the powers.
Izzy: You guys really need to read something other than the superheroes.
Mike: I still don't understand why Elongated Wife's death is such a big deal. I mean, she'll just be back.
David: No, she won't.
Mike: Isn't that a little naive, man? Of course she'll be back.
David: It's a crisis; she's not coming back.
Izzy: Super-types always come back.
David: Not at DC! Look at Barry Allen, or Hal Jordan...
Mike: You mean the guy who came back as the Spectre? And who's coming back as GL?
Izzy: And what about Superman? He came back from the dead.
Mike: Or Batman? He was paralyzed and came back, that's pretty close.
David: No, no... see, during one of these mega crisis events, the deaths stick....
Mike: Didn't Supergirl die in one of those?
David: Um... yes....
Mike: Peter David brought her back, didn't he?
Izzy: That man is a genius. Have you read his Spyboy?
Mike: No. But I loved his X-Factor.
Izzy: Who? He wrote some stupid X-Men book?
David: Haven't read Spyboy, but I loved his Aquaman.
Izzy: Aquaman sucks.
Mike: Besides, like I said, they'll just bring this Stretchy Wife back.
David: Supporting characters don't come back.
Mike: Aunt May came back.
Izzy: Say what?
Mike: Aunt May died during the whole clone thing. Then the writers brought her back years later. Said the woman who died was only an actress posing as Aunt May.
Izzy: That's gotta be the lamest thing I ever heard.
Mike: Yeah, well....
Izzy: And you're a big Spider-Man fan, right?
Mike: Yeah, well... uh... it's not all... y'know?
Izzy: Geez. Imagine if they killed Aunt May in the movies, and then in the sequel they brought her back using that stupid plot. Do you think anybody would see that movie?
Mike: Well, sure... it's Spider-Man.
David: He's probably right.
Izzy: This is really sad. Why don't you guys read some good stuff? Without the capes?
David: Okay, why don't you read Gotham Central? It's just about cops.
Izzy: Gotham Central as in Batman's Gotham? No thanks.
Mike: Or Runaways? That's not about superheroes....
Izzy: They've got powers. Close enough.
David: Man, you're so closed-minded.
Izzy: You're the closed-minded one.
Mike: You're both pretty sad.
David: Oh, just... just stay in your corner with your little X-books.
Mike: Don't mess with my X-Books, man....
David: Identity Crisis is a big deal. It's this huge murder mystery....
Mike: Starring Elongated Man.
David: ... not listening... with huge impact on the DC Universe!
Izzy: Yeah, just what DC needs: another universe-crossing maxi-series.
Mike: There was this murder mystery in New X-Men a while back....
David: Do not change the subject!
Mike: Look, I'm not reading it. Elongated Man? Some old Flash? Birdman? Not interested.
David: It's Hawkman.
Mike: Whatever. Look, you should be reading the big Avengers thing going down....
David: No way! The Avengers are just pale imitations of my Justice League!
Mike: Captain America's the better leader. Busiek said so.
Izzy: This is really sad.
David: Go read Bone or something.
Izzy: Yeah, I think I will.
<center><hr width=75%></center>
After a cross-country move that significantly delayed this installment of DITTOL (sorry), Jim Lemoine found a new comic shop. The selection isn't quite as good, but the bigger discount makes up for it.
<center><hr width=75%></center>
The opinions expressed in this column are solely those of the writer, and are not reflective of ComiX-Fan or its other staff in general. For the record, said writer really enjoyed the first two issues of Identity Crisis, and believed that they were much better than the oddly coincidental Identity Disc.