DID I THINK THAT OUT LOUD?!? #31: MARVEL AT THE FUTURE

[Jim Lemoine]

<img src="http://www.comixfan.com/xfan/images/logos/dittol_logo.gif" align=left border=0 alt="Did I Think That Out Loud?!? logo">By Jim Lemoine, jimlemoine@comixfan.cjb.net

Marvel At The Future

The following is reprinted with permission from Marvel's product solicitations for the month of March, 2007. This is not a complete reprinting of Marvel solicits, as the publisher has asked us to refrain from revealing certain key plot developments and creative teams to the general public.

Marvel Solicits 03/07 (abridged, in alphabetical order)

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #543
Written by J. Michael Stracynski
Pencils by Javier Saltares

Babylon 5 creator J. Michael Stracynski's final issue on Amazing! His evil power finally assembled, the dread Dormammu strikes New York at last! His Mindless Ones create a reign of terror like you've never seen before; it's enough to make Doc Doom cry! With the Avengers, Fantastic Four, X-Men, Thunderbolts, New Warriors, and X-Terminators all out of town, only two men are left to stop Dormammu from taking over the entire Earth: the mysterious Ezekiel, and Doctor Strange!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.50
UPC: 5661604456-51211

* WITH FAN-FAVORITE EZEKIEL!
* STRACYNSKI'S FINAL ISSUE!
* GUEST-STARRING SPIDER-MAN!

AVENGERS #534
Written by Chuck Austen
Cover & pencils by Scott Kolins

Jan's super-strength powers are out of control, and only one man can save her: Clint Barton, the Black Knight! Meanwhile, Captain America finally takes a stand against organized religion, and Tigra reveals her true feelings to Jarvis. Featuring twelve pages of full-page, text-free pin-ups for your artistic pleasure!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR+…$3.50
UPC: 5661604457-51211

* BIG PIN-UP ISSUE!
* LOTS OF DEAD BYSTANDERS!

CAPTAIN AMERICA #58
Written by Mark Millar
Pencils by Johann Rhys-Jones

It's vorpal badness for Captain America as he meets slithy toves, gyring and gimbling, as the momeraths outgrabe. Plus, meet the mimsy borogoves. And Nick Fury discovers his true African-American heritage!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.25
UPC: 5100604456-51211

* LOOK, FURY'S BLACK!
* JUST LIKE ULTIMATES!

IRON MAN #84
Written by James Bunton
Cover & pencils by Cheyenne Tausch

At long last, it's time for the Vice-President of the United States to once again don the red and gold... but how far will he go to save his boys overseas? This entire, action-packed issue takes place in the war-torn Middle East as Tony Stark learns the truth about the government's involvement!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR+…$3.50
UPC: 5661404457-51211

* GUEST-STARRING VENOM, FROM THE UPCOMING SPIDER-MAN 3 FEATURE FILM!

NEW X-MEN #212
Written by Chuck Austen
Cover & pencils by Ron Garney

Surprise follows surprise as we visit a new and never-before-seen alternate future! Angels and demons battle on the streets of New York City as the Sentinels run amok. Nightcrawler at last renounces his religion and joins the war as what's left of the X-Men fight for their survival!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.50
UPC: 5681604456-51211

* THE ONLY COMIC SERIES EVER DENOUNCED BY THE VATICAN!
* BRAND NEW ALTERNATE FUTURE STORY!

ORIGIN II #1
Written by J. Michael Stracynski
Cover & pencils by Andy Kubert

THE LONG-AWAITED SEQUEL IS HERE! Set in a modern-day setting, Logan at last learns the truth about his past from a most unlikely source... fan-favorite Ezekiel! Together, they set out to get the Howlett name back and restore Wolverine's heritage... but you'll never guess who's set up shop in the old Howlett estate!

48 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$4.99
UPC: 5080604456-51211

* THE BIGGEST MINI-SERIES EVENT OF THE YEAR!
* SPECIAL SERIES GUEST-STAR: DOCTOR STRANGE!

PUNISHER #47
Written by Garth Ennis
Cover & pencils by Steve Dillon

Frank Castle's on a mission against the mob and he can't be stopped! Flying cartilage, mutilated pets, and huge explosions all in just 32 pages!

32 PGS./MARVEL MAX…$3.25
UPC: 5090604456-51211

* FRANK BLOWS UP NEW YORK... AGAIN!
* THE EISNER-AWARD-WINNING SERIES!
* MORE GRATUITOUS BLOOD THAN ANY OTHER MARVEL!

SPIDER-MAN/BLACK CAT #4
Written by Kevin Smith
Cover & pencils by TBD

(resolicit) The long-awaited final chapter of this explosive mini-series!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR+…$4.50
UPC: 5661404457-53211

* AVAILABLE AT LAST!
* THIS TIME FOR SURE!
* STAY TUNED IN SIX MONTHS FOR DAREDEVIL:BULLSEYE #2!

SPIDER-MAN YEAR ONE #7
Written by J. Michael Stracynski
Cover & pencils by John Byrne

Continuing Babylon 5 creator J. Michael Stracynski's long-awaited revamp of Spidey's origin! Peter Parker's just been bitten by the mystical Spider-Force of Raza Zhul, and Doctor Strange continues the neophyte hero's tutelage in the use of his powers! Meanwhile, tragedy strikes as Uncle Ben and Ezekiel double-date with Aunt May and Baron Mordo!

48 PGS./MARVEL PSR+…$4.99
UPC: 5661404457-53211

* THE REVAMP J.M.S. DEMANDED CONTINUES!
* GUEST-STARRING FAN-FAVORITE EZEKIEL AND DOCTOR STRANGE!

STORM AND THE ASTONISHING X-MEN #40
Written by Chris Claremont
Cover & pencils by Igor Kordey

The new direction continues! In this touching new take on the character, veteran writer Chris Claremont shows us Storm knife-fighting with Callisto, partying with Yukio, and experiencing the wild nightlife of backstreet Madripoor! Plus, see how the Windrider deals with the return of one of her oldest foes, one who wants nothing more than to make Ororo his queen!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.50
UPC: 5881604456-51211

* GUEST APPEARANCE BY THE X-MEN!

THE ULTIMATES (VOL. 4) #1
Written by David Mack
Pencils by Alex Maleev

(resolicit) Get in on the ground floor now and start from the very beginning with this brand-new #1 issue! In a groundbreaking new story, Nick Fury sends Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, the Wasp, and Giant-Man against a hostile anti-government conspiracy, all in the Ultimates' biggest battle yet!

32 PGS./MARVEL PS+…$3.75
UPC: 5690604456-51211

* OVER 30 WORDS OF DIALOG!
* BIG BATTLE ISSUE!
* CAMEO BY ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN!

ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #28
Written by Bendis
Cover & pencils by John Romita Jr.

It's the big wedding issue as Johnny Storm and Alicia Masters finally get married! The bride may wear white, but is she looking a little... green? Meanwhile, Aron the Watcher strikes and Reed builds a time sled!

32 PGS./MARVEL PS+…$3.75
UPC: 5720604456-51211

* GUEST APPEARANCES BY ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN AND WOLVERINE!
* LEAD-IN TO NEXT MONTH'S BIG DIVORCE!

ULTIMATE INCREDIBLE HULK #8
Written by Bendis
Cover & pencils by Mike Deodato, Jr.

Bruce Banner's tragedy (last month's death of Betty Ross!) turns to joy as he's asked to stand at the three-way wedding of Rick, Marlo, and Ultimate Moondragon! And guess who's on the guest list: Ultimate Spider-Man!

32 PGS./MARVEL PS+…$3.75
UPC: 5840604456-51211

* GUEST-STARRING ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN!
* AVAILABLE AT LAST!

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #93
Written by Bendis
Cover & pencils by Mark Bagley

The one you've been waiting for... Bendis ultimizes the very last un-ultimized villain left in the classic Spidey universe! That's right, true believers, prepare yourself for... Ultimate Spot! Meanwhile, M.J. is held hostage again on the Brooklyn Bridge, causing painful flashbacks for Peter. And Aunt May and Gwen have a heart-to-heart about... who else?

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$2.99
UPC: 5190604456-51211

* FOLLOWING UP ON LAST MONTH'S ULTIMATE EZEKIEL EPIC!
* GET READY FOR SPIDER-MAN 3 TO HIT THEATERS SOON!

ULTIMATE X-MEN #90
Written by David Mack
Pencils by Alex Maleev

In the conclusion of last issue's big six-month Wolverine-spotlight arc, Logan was madder than ever! This issue kicks off a new six-month Wolverine spotlight arc, guest-starring the Punisher and Spider-Man! And is that a symbiote on the horizon?

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$2.99
UPC: 5640604456-51211

* GUEST-STARRING ULTIMATE PUNISHER & ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN!!
* TWO-PANEL SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY THE ULTIMATE X-MEN!

UNCANNY X-MEN #472
Written by Ben Raab
Pencils by Bret Blevins

It's the event you never expected to see! A cosmic force emerges from the time-stream... could the Phoenix rise from the ashes? Meanwhile, the trial of the resurrected Magneto continues in Paris, and Sinister goes after the Morlocks! The ever-unpredictable Uncanny continues!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.50
UPC: 5661604456-51211

* BRAND NEW STORY-ARC!
* FEATURING WOLVERINE!

X-STATIX #45
Written by Peter Milligan
Cover & pencils by Mike Allred

A thoughtful look at the pervasiveness of the American cultural machine in rural hospitals, including insightful commentary on the latest pop culture events.

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR+…$3.50
UPC: 5661604457-51211

* GUEST-STARRING DOOP!
* ALL TEXT ISSUE!

MARVEL HARDCOVER: 2006 YEAR-IN-REVIEW: JUST A GUY NAMED JOE
Written by Jim McLauchlin
From interviews and excerpts by Joe Quesada

A wholly unique and very, very special commemoration of an amazing era for the House of Ideas: the year 2006. "This isn't like the Dark Ages of 1999... y'know, before I was in charge," says Quesada. "Our entire company, our entire publishing strategy isn't just built around one or two characters anymore, and it's not wholly driven by a small handful of overly influential creators. We're writing smart comics now. We're truly the 'people's comic company' here at Marvel, today. We're more than just a publisher; we're an event, a complete miracle, a religion, the envy of the entire civilized world!"

184 PGS./MARVEL PSR+…$39.95
UPC: 5661604457-51666

* INTRODUTION BY VALIANT COMICS PRESIDENT BILL JEMAS!
* PRETENTIOUSNESS AT ITS FINEST!

And don't forget these new limited series, all with first issues this month!
SPIDER-MAN/VENOM: A SYMBIOTE'S LIFE
SPIDER-MAN/VENOM: SHARING DIETS
SPIDER-MAN/VENOM: THE CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN
SPIDER-MAN/VENOM: CARNAGE
WOLVERINE/VENOM: SUITS N' CLAWS
WOLVERINE/VENOM: A MANGA JOURNEY
SPIDER-MAN/WOLVERINE/VENOM: A COINCIDENTAL MEETING
SPIDER-MAN/WOLVERINE/VENOM/PUNISHER/HULK: WE ASSURE YOU THERE'S A POINT TO THIS BOOK

<center><hr width=75%></center>

Jim Lemoine, ComiX-Fan's Columns Editor, recently completed the manuscript for his first book, an examination of business leadership. He'd like to go on record as saying he's actually a big fan of most of Quesada's term at Marvel.

<center><hr width=75%></center>

The opinions expressed in this column (if you can find them) are solely those of the writer, and are not reflective of ComiX-Fan or its other staff in general.

[Zach Kinkead]

In other words – with JMS still on Amazing (for the love of…if he wants to write Doc Strange so badly then why doesn’t he do that mini he’s been talking about for years instead of messing up Marvel’s flagship book), Spectacular apparently cancelled (I KNEW Ramos would be the death of that comic :p), and the possibility of having the new issue of the Kevin Smith series actually coming out being very slim – Spider-Man’s only actual appearances will be in a bunch of half-assed movie tie-in minis. The more things change, the more they stay the same huh?

At least they got Claremont to stop pretending his comics where about the X-Men as a whole and not just Storm :LOL:

It’s almost enough to make a guy want to run over to the Ultimate books. Ultimate Spot does sound pretty cool ;)

[MonkeyBot20]

Now thats the insanity I've come to love round here. Mack and Maleev on two ultimate books and Jemas raises Valiant from the grave? Awesome!

[Hodge]

I'm still waiting for my Marvel Legends Spot figure y'know

[Cannonball1138]

Genius stuff. :LOL:

[Alphabet Pet]

What's this? Do you really think there'll still be books from Marvel that won't have either have the word "Spider" or the letter "X" in them by 2007?

Great job. Particularly liked the "guest starring Spider-man" comment and the prediction on where the Avengers will be in the future. :D But even a humour column is no excuse to bring up the Alicia/Skrull fiasco. :nonono:

[NicholasRogue]

Originally posted by Jim Lemoine
NEW X-MEN #212
Written by Chuck Austen
Cover &amp; pencils by Ron Garney

Surprise follows surprise as we visit a new and never-before-seen alternate future! Angels and demons battle on the streets of New York City as the Sentinels run amok. Nightcrawler at last renounces his religion and joins the war as what's left of the X-Men fight for their survival!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.50
UPC: 5681604456-51211

* THE ONLY COMIC SERIES EVER DENOUNCED BY THE VATICAN!
* BRAND NEW ALTERNATE FUTURE STORY!

[
STORM AND THE ASTONISHING X-MEN #40
Written by Chris Claremont
Cover &amp; pencils by Igor Kordey

The new direction continues! In this touching new take on the character, veteran writer Chris Claremont shows us Storm knife-fighting with Callisto, partying with Yukio, and experiencing the wild nightlife of backstreet Madripoor! Plus, see how the Windrider deals with the return of one of her oldest foes, one who wants nothing more than to make Ororo his queen!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.50
UPC: 5881604456-51211


ULTIMATE X-MEN #90
Written by David Mack
Pencils by Alex Maleev

In the conclusion of last issue's big six-month Wolverine-spotlight arc, Logan was madder than ever! This issue kicks off a new six-month Wolverine spotlight arc, guest-starring the Punisher and Spider-Man! And is that a symbiote on the horizon?

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$2.99
UPC: 5640604456-51211

* GUEST-STARRING ULTIMATE PUNISHER &amp; ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN!!
* TWO-PANEL SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY THE ULTIMATE X-MEN!

UNCANNY X-MEN #472
Written by Ben Raab
Pencils by Bret Blevins

It's the event you never expected to see! A cosmic force emerges from the time-stream... could the Phoenix rise from the ashes? Meanwhile, the trial of the resurrected Magneto continues in Paris, and Sinister goes after the Morlocks! The ever-unpredictable Uncanny continues!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.50
UPC: 5661604456-51211.[/I]
[/B]

LOL the only comic banned by the Vatican= very funny! lol. And look Magneto's ressurected again! And so is Phoenix and Storm and Wolverine are hogging the books again! lol. Hopefully this won't be the actual case.

[Zach Kinkead]

Originally posted by Hodge
I'm still waiting for my Marvel Legends Spot figure y'know

You and me both. They ought to just dedicate an edition of the action figures to the Legion of Losers while adding in Spider-Man in his Bombastic Bagman costume because no release of the toys is complete without at least one variant costume version of Spidey or Wolverine. I think that, at this point in my life (what with not having actually having bought a toy in the past decade but still spending a rather embarrassing amount of time looking at them in the stores), a Spot figure is just about the only thing that could get me to buy an action figure again :LOL:


Originally posted by Alphabet Pet
Great job. Particularly liked the &quot;guest starring Spider-man&quot; comment

I think “guest staring” is a rather generous way of phrasing it. In my mind, you have to show up in more than one page for it to be anything more than a “minor cameo appearance” :p

[HNutz]

Hmmmm.....

Magneto's back from the dead.... folks are expecting the Phoenix to return.... Storm's STILL hangin' with Yuriko and fighting Callisto... Punisher's fighting the mob in an overly-gratituous fight.... Iron Man's working for the government.... Clint Barton's changed identities....

What do they say? Those who don't learn from history... are doomed to repeat it? :)

Seriously though, great column, man!

[Jesse Baer]

That was absolutely hilarious

[Merlin]

AVENGERS #534
Written by Chuck Austen
Cover & pencils by Scott Kolins

Jan's super-strength powers are out of control, and only one man can save her: Clint Barton, the Black Knight! Meanwhile, Captain America finally takes a stand against organized religion, and Tigra reveals her true feelings to Jarvis. Featuring twelve pages of full-page, text-free pin-ups for your artistic pleasure!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR+…$3.50
UPC: 5661604457-51211

* BIG PIN-UP ISSUE!
* LOTS OF DEAD BYSTANDERS!

I just spoke with Joe Quesada he wants to know how you found the soliciation for Avengers #534.

I am sure Chuck will have Captain America take a stand against organized religion.

NEW X-MEN #212
Written by Chuck Austen
Cover & pencils by Ron Garney

Surprise follows surprise as we visit a new and never-before-seen alternate future! Angels and demons battle on the streets of New York City as the Sentinels run amok. Nightcrawler at last renounces his religion and joins the war as what's left of the X-Men fight for their survival!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.50
UPC: 5681604456-51211

* THE ONLY COMIC SERIES EVER DENOUNCED BY THE VATICAN!
* BRAND NEW ALTERNATE FUTURE STORY!
LOL the only comic series ever denounced by the vatican, LOL

[dreamer]

I thought "SPIDER-MAN/WOLVERINE/VENOM/PUNISHER/HULK: WE ASSURE YOU THERE'S A POINT TO THIS BOOK" was a one-shot? so, they've given it a 6-issue expansion, eh? my wallet is cryng but anything by Jim Lee, and I'll get it...


:D :clap: :yeah:great column man!

you should have some sort of cosmic powers! i'm worshipping you! :worthy:

ps: tbolts still get mentioned in a solicit :yeah:

[Robb Welch]

All I can say is... wow. Bendis gets so over worked he just kills off Daredevil? I think..... Did Ezekial kill him, I wonder?

[Kavalier]

I usually don't read these, but I'm glad I did.

LOL!

K

[dreamer]

Originally posted by Perfect Methods
Bendis gets so over worked he just kills off Daredevil? I think..... Did Ezekial kill him, I wonder?

:? i don't get that?

[magiklover]

:rofl: That was the funniest thing i've seen in a long time.:rofl:

great job

banned by the vatican !!:rofl::rofl:

[mackaybear]

Oh God how I do love irony.

Somehow I think if we all live that long we probably will see most of these come to pass.

[Zach Kinkead]

Originally posted by dreamer
I thought &quot;SPIDER-MAN/WOLVERINE/VENOM/PUNISHER/HULK: WE ASSURE YOU THERE'S A POINT TO THIS BOOK&quot; was a one-shot? so, they've given it a 6-issue expansion, eh? my wallet is cryng but anything by Jim Lee, and I'll get it...

I’m looking forward to SPIDER-MAN/VENOM: THE CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN. I hear it’s the story of how Brock manipulates some vain tailor into helping him destroy that infernal Spider-Man. Granted, with any other writer I’d think that plot sounds kind of lame but I’m sure that Brian K. Vaughn can pull it off. My only real concern is that this book is supposed to be a “retro story” that takes place shortly after Pete and MJ’s marriage, right? Well then why is Eddie sporting his brand-new movie look? :?

ps: tbolts still get mentioned in a solicit :yeah:

Yeah, it’s a good thing that the Avengers/Thunderbolts mini was such a huge success that they released a second volume. Of course the lack of a solicitation* for this book makes it pretty obvious that something big is about to happen and they want to keep the details under wraps. I just hope the rumors about the new Austen and Ramos creative team are JUST rumors.

*Which really sucks because I was hoping for some hints as to the ending of the storyline where Mach-Eleventy gets out on good behavior and – with the aid of the Avengers’ newest recruits, Songbird and Captain Marvel (I hate that they cancelled his book in 2006), and veteran Avenger Hawkeye…er…Black Knight – runs off to slap some sense into his ex-teammates.

Originally posted by Perfect Methods
All I can say is... wow. Bendis gets so over worked he just kills off Daredevil? I think..... Did Ezekial kill him, I wonder?

I think there might be no solicitation because he gets killed by VENOM, FROM THE UPCOMING SPIDER-MAN 3 FEATURE FILM!

[KeithXK]

I'm actually quite offended by this joke. You have single-handedly managed to boil every writer, good or bad, down into a laughable one trick pony, and insult damn near every single storyline that tons of people have enjoyed.

Most funny indeed. Cause it's not as tho comics don't sound silly enough anyway, and only succeed on the talents of good writers (which you've insulted,) but you gotta go and make even the best stories and writers look and sound god-awful?

[Jim Lemoine]

As with most of my columns, this one's open to interpretation. And as always, it's very possible that readers arrive at a different interpretation than the one I'd intended.

Did I really "make the best stories and writers look and sound god-awful"? Did I really "insult nearly every single storyline that people have enjoyed"?

How interesting.

[Robb Welch]

Originally posted by dreamer


:? i don't get that?

Well you see, Benis is listed as writer for like half of those titles. And Bendis writes Daredevil currently. And There was no Daredevil solicit. And Ezekial is in 1/4 the solictiations.

and if you still dont get it:

MaGnitoS helMUT it teh ****

Originally posted by Zach Kinkead


I think there might be no solicitation because he gets killed by VENOM, FROM THE UPCOMING SPIDER-MAN 3 FEATURE FILM!

I heard that it happend off pannel though.

the upcoming spider-man 3 feature film. Not Venom killing Matt. Somabitch ripped his head off and ate his brains in three pannels. Damn straight I saw THAT.

[dreamer]

Originally posted by Zach Kinkead

Yeah, it’s a good thing that the Avengers/Thunderbolts mini was such a huge success that they released a second volume. Of course the lack of a solicitation* for this book makes it pretty obvious that something big is about to happen and they want to keep the details under wraps. I just hope the rumors about the new Austen and Ramos creative team are JUST rumors.

*Which really sucks because I was hoping for some hints as to the ending of the storyline where Mach-Eleventy gets out on good behavior and – with the aid of the Avengers’ newest recruits, Songbird and Captain Marvel (I hate that they cancelled his book in 2006), and veteran Avenger Hawkeye…er…Black Knight – runs off to slap some sense into his ex-teammates.

well, the couple ishs after the renumbering at the big 100 are going downwards, for me. I mean going back to the Earth Doom for 6 issues just to get Jolt back? yeash, soo been there! I hope the big event that they're hiding is the return of the Moonstone to reveal that all her villainy and leading the new incarnation of the masters of evil was yet another test or messing by the cosmic moon stone or the after effect of her absorbtion of the psyco counter-earth moonstone. guess i'll never give up and admit that you were right guessing who'll turn evil afterall, eh zach?


I think there might be no solicitation because he gets killed by VENOM, FROM THE UPCOMING SPIDER-MAN 3 FEATURE FILM!

wow, i thought the cancellation was because they wanted to hold DD strictly at guest appereances on spider-man; so they'll stick closer together as in the hit animated series: spider-man and daredevil. newer thought he'll bite it. well, i have been completely drawn away from the book after Priest took on to move him to Queens and make the title exclusively concentrated on the blacks. and the final arc "King of the Queens" where all the hotties (elektra, echo, typhoid marry and black widow) from his past fight off for a higher position under his rule was plain dump! IMO

[Dragon]

Funny except for the mulitple cracks at Wolverine

[Jordan T. Maxwell]

it's good to know that Ezekiel is finally getting the recognition he deserves.

hmm...what's that? Jim was being facetious? this is all just satire and parody? Oh, okay then.

jack ass. ;)

[Airhead]

HaHaHa!:D
That was funny!
Wait!
.........Excalibur got cancelled within 3 years! :mad: :(

[Drew Shirley]

Originally posted by Jim Lemoine


Did I really &quot;make the best stories and writers look and sound god-awful&quot;? Did I really &quot;insult nearly every single storyline that people have enjoyed&quot;?

To put it bluntly....yes.

But that doesn't make it any less funny. Sometimes things need the **** taken out of them, no mater how much people love them. Learn to laugh, nothing's sacred, and all that stuff.

Anyway, what's REALLY scary is the fact that without too much straining I could see a good bit of this coulmn actually coming to fruition...

:eek:

"Banned by the Vatican" indeed. That was funny.

[Robb Welch]

Originally posted by dreamer


wow, i thought the cancellation was because they wanted to hold DD strictly at guest appereances on spider-man; so they'll stick closer together as in the hit animated series: spider-man and daredevil. newer thought he'll bite it. well, i have been completely drawn away from the book after Priest took on to move him to Queens and make the title exclusively concentrated on the blacks. and the final arc &quot;King of the Queens&quot; where all the hotties (elektra, echo, typhoid marry and black widow) from his past fight off for a higher position under his rule was plain dump! IMO

King Of the Queens? No I'm sorry that was where Matt dressed like Jonie Conningham from Happy Days and went to all of new yorks drag clubs during the dance competitions to see who truly WAS the king of the queens.

You must be thinking of "King of the burrow of Queens"

[Patrick James]

Jim, I just know this was tons of fun to write. Wish I had thought to do it first...:p

[Zach Kinkead]

I love this thread.

Originally posted by Perfect Methods
I heard that it happend off pannel though.

the upcoming spider-man 3 feature film. Not Venom killing Matt. Somabitch ripped his head off and ate his brains in three panels. Damn straight I saw THAT.

Yeah. The whole thing was kind of anti-climactic (and REALLY nonsensical) though. There had been this HUGE build-up as to what the final consequences of Matt taking over Hell’s Kitchen would be. Then after a rather disappointing fill-in arc by Mack staring Echo and Spider-Man, they went and had the lame-ass Night Thrasher/Punisher/Venom intervention where they told him he wasn’t doing a good enough job with “controlling” the criminal element and went into lecturing him about how if he let criminals live they’d just move into the surrounding areas. The next thing I now Venom is slaughtering Matt. Did I miss an issue or something?

Originally posted by dreamer
well, the couple ishs after the renumbering at the big 100 are going downwards, for me. I mean going back to the Earth Doom for 6 issues just to get Jolt back? yeash, soo been there!

I know! And it isn’t like they aren’t going to kill her (and the newly resurrected Charcoal) off at the next available opportunity anyway. What a waste of a two months*. If you ask me, the whole arc was just a poorly executed attempt to put Counter Earth Bucky on the team. Thank god Marvel listened to our online petition, put a stop to that, and instead did what the FANS wanted by having the team travel to MC2 to recruit Spider-Girl. Granted there was no rhyme or reason for that either but who cares! Mayday Parker is back!

*But then Marvel’s new three issues a month policy is another rant altogether. There’s no way they could keep doing quality work under this type of pressure. Even the Bendis clones are starting to snap. I mean did you hear about that clone that just spontaneously combusted at Wizard World?

the new incarnation of the masters of evil

The new Masters kind of sucked though. I mean the fights all seemed to follow the same basic formula. Cyclone would curl up into the fetal position and surrender, Skein just ran around shouting “HEY LOOK AT THESE!”, and everyone made fun of Armadillo. The new Joystick – I’m sorry, I mean “D-Pad” – is pretty cool though.

. guess i'll never give up and admit that you were right guessing who'll turn evil afterall, eh zach?

Oh, I’m sure you’ll do it right around the time I stop gloating about it. ;)


wow, i thought the cancellation was because they wanted to hold DD strictly at guest appereances on spider-man;

Heh, Spider-Man is limited to guest appearances in the Spider-Man books.

so they'll stick closer together as in the hit animated series: spider-man and daredevil

Do we even know for sure that that show is going to be continuing? I mean MTV dropped it. The WB dropped it. Fox dropped it. Cartoon Network dropped it. Who’s left to pick it up now?

well, i have been completely drawn away from the book after Priest took on to move him to Queens and make the title exclusively concentrated on the blacks. and the final arc &quot;King of the Queens&quot; where all the hotties (elektra, echo, typhoid marry and black widow) from his past fight off for a higher position under his rule was plain dump! IMO

Yeah, Priest just hasn’t been the same even since they cancelled Captain America & Falcon after only giving it two issues.

[Martin Dudek]

What? Still no Iceman solo series by Gail?
Better luck in 2008 I guess...

[Zach Kinkead]

Originally posted by Icey
What? Still no Iceman solo series by Gail?
Better luck in 2008 I guess...

You didn't hear? Simone sold her soul to DC in 2005 after her other contract with them ran out

She didn't mind of course since the deal means she gets to write Mary Marvel

[Suzene]

Originally posted by Jim Lemoine
NEW X-MEN #212
Written by Chuck Austen
Cover &amp; pencils by Ron Garney

* THE ONLY COMIC SERIES EVER DENOUNCED BY THE VATICAN!


I nearly died laughing. All too appropriate!


UNCANNY X-MEN #472
Written by Ben Raab

I nearly screamed aloud in terror. Nasty, pointy, bitey death to Excalibur's defiler!


Suzene

[CmX]

OMG LOL The "Storm & Asthonishing Xmen" I wouldn't be surprised!

[Kevin Sutton]

There wasn't a thing in that column that wasn't hilarious.

[Unicorn_Pegasus]

Where's my Jubilee on-going damnit? :LOL:

Originally posted by Jordan T. Maxwell
hmm...what's that? Jim was being facetious? this is all just satire and parody? Oh, okay then.

But...but Wolvie's in so many titles! YOU LIE! You can't tease me that way! ;)

[Tomaniac]

Wow, that was brilliant.

Too bad you spoiled the big Raab surprise for everyone.

And the Austen cracks were hilarious.

I'd like to stand up and defend the "Storm and the Astonishing X-Men" part, but I'm just glad she's not stuck in Raab Hell.

[speedy]

Very funny.
Unfortunately it is probable that a lot of it will come true.

[seth_raditz]

oh man.... too funny. laughing out loud at work here....

sad thing is, jim hit the nail right on the head. i think it's a pretty accurate estimate of the kind of storylines we can expect... and like a true marvel fanboy i'll still be picking up every single issue!

[Roberto Polanco]

hmmmm Jim, I didn't know you speak nadsat:D

[Alex Guillen]

this is great, New X-Men by Chuck, the first book dnounced by the Vatican!
Hope this stories never happen but who knows and no more Ezekiel, JMS! :mad:

[Robb Welch]

Originally posted by Zach Kinkead
I love this thread.



Yeah. The whole thing was kind of anti-climactic (and REALLY nonsensical) though. There had been this HUGE build-up as to what the final consequences of Matt taking over Hell’s Kitchen would be. Then after a rather disappointing fill-in arc by Mack staring Echo and Spider-Man, they went and had the lame-ass Night Thrasher/Punisher/Venom intervention where they told him he wasn’t doing a good enough job with “controlling” the criminal element and went into lecturing him about how if he let criminals live they’d just move into the surrounding areas. The next thing I now Venom is slaughtering Matt. Did I miss an issue or something?



I rather liked the Echo storyline. Never has a native americans outer journey to get milk from the fridge been so fleshed out. I mean 6 issues was just not enough. I had no idea that her uncle had choked and died after trying to drink 3 gallons of milk in as many minutes. and spider-man popping in through her living room window as she made her pass of the dinning room table, intense stuff. He NEEDED to be there. Thus was the path of the spider. ...... the path of the spider in case you dont know, is to pop in and distract people from getting their dairy products.

Ah, see, the nighthrasher/punisher/venom/aunt may confrontation was a bit confusing because they left a few pages out, let me try to recap the dialoge:

Nightrasher: Now clench your fist quick, or them baddies gunna be knockin up your sister, dig?
Punisher: Make them bleed, Murdock.
Venom: BRAAAINNNNSSS!! We hate lawyers. We looovee Lawyer brains.
Aunt May: Whats that son? You want sugar canes? Sure. I'll buy you some from the pharmacy on our way back

Punisher: I hope our little chat has helped you Matt, because if it hasent, my bullets are going to.
Nighthrasher: Yes. then it is resolved. Unleash the Dragon Man to wreak havok. Let the city knows who owns it.
Matt: Yes. Brilliant.
Punisher: Okay.. so I guess I'll just turn around now and walk away and now turn back to check on Matt and OH MY GOD!!! VENOM!! STOP EATING HIS BRAINS!
Aunt May: Boy, you sure are hungry, Eddie. Now what did I tell you about washing your hands?

[gambit6]

and Tigra reveals her true feelings to Jarvis.

Ewww... creepy!

[Wolfman]

Spider-Man/ Black Cat #4... hmm, sooner than I expected :p

[Martin Dudek]

Originally posted by Zach Kinkead


You didn't hear? Simone sold her soul to DC in 2005 after her other contract with them ran out

She didn't mind of course since the deal means she gets to write Mary Marvel

Crapdammit!

Gail, you could've at least sold your soul after you started the series! Or maybe a Iceman/Spiderman/Nightcrawler/Human Torch team up?

[HNutz]

Originally posted by Zach Kinkead
Do we even know for sure that that show is going to be continuing? I mean MTV dropped it. The WB dropped it. Fox dropped it. Cartoon Network dropped it. Who’s left to pick it up now?

The UPN? :)

Originally posted by Icey
Crapdammit!

Gail, you could've at least sold your soul after you started the series! Or maybe a Iceman/Spiderman/Nightcrawler/Human Torch team up?

Hey, at least she FINALLY got her Fantastic Four/Skin mini out in trade.... :LOL:

[@@liy@h]

:O Holy ****!! Look at those prices :( :D

And don't forget these new limited series, all with first issues this month!
SPIDER-MAN/VENOM: A SYMBIOTE'S LIFE
SPIDER-MAN/VENOM: SHARING DIETS
SPIDER-MAN/VENOM: THE CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN
SPIDER-MAN/VENOM: CARNAGE
WOLVERINE/VENOM: SUITS N' CLAWS
WOLVERINE/VENOM: A MANGA JOURNEY
SPIDER-MAN/WOLVERINE/VENOM: A COINCIDENTAL MEETING
SPIDER-MAN/WOLVERINE/VENOM/PUNISHER/HULK: WE ASSURE YOU THERE'S A POINT TO THIS BOOK


:rofl:

[Lobster Johnson]

Originally posted by Jim Lemoine

SPIDER-MAN YEAR ONE #7
Written by J. Michael Stracynski
Cover &amp; pencils by John Byrne

Continuing Babylon 5 creator J. Michael Stracynski's long-awaited revamp of Spidey's origin! Peter Parker's just been bitten by the mystical Spider-Force of Raza Zhul, and Doctor Strange continues the neophyte hero's tutelage in the use of his powers! Meanwhile, tragedy strikes as Uncle Ben and Ezekiel double-date with Aunt May and Baron Mordo!

48 PGS./MARVEL PSR+…$4.99
UPC: 5661404457-53211

* THE REVAMP J.M.S. DEMANDED CONTINUES!
* GUEST-STARRING FAN-FAVORITE EZEKIEL AND DOCTOR STRANGE!

This is so funny I just laughed out loud. Thanks for making my day Jim :cheers:

[Zeb Aslam]

Great column! :LOL: I praise and envy your genius :bow: It was absolutely hilarious...and where did you get the crystal ball which told you all these prophecies? The one I got only gives me messages saying..."Batman:Hush - The Movie...coming soon to a theatre near you!" I want a refund dammit!

[Anthony Lucynski]

Still no Deadpool.

Those bastards.

Make Mine Valiant!!

Anthony L

[bmack]

Great. Now maybe we can see the Top Cow solicitation for that month and see if Stracynski ever finishes Rising Stars. I mean, this is fiction after all.

~ The Mack

[Scott Williams]

HY-F!#%ING-LARIOUS!

Great stuff, Jim. I love when you use your powers of foresight for use of comedy, and not the greater good :D

[dreamer]

Originally posted by Zach Kinkead
I love this thread.


I second that!

I know! And it isn’t like they aren’t going to kill her (and the newly resurrected Charcoal) off at the next available opportunity anyway. What a waste of a two months*. If you ask me, the whole arc was just a poorly executed attempt to put Counter Earth Bucky on the team. Thank god Marvel listened to our online petition, put a stop to that, and instead did what the FANS wanted by having the team travel to MC2 to recruit Spider-Girl. Granted there was no rhyme or reason for that either but who cares! Mayday Parker is back!


well, i liked her stint with the exiles more as she had more time on the spot and well, great interaction with the sunfire II, but i guess her being recruited in tbolts is better than wading off to the limbo after she was finally sent back to her home reality when the series came to an unfortunate conclusion..

[Al Harahap]

:LOL: I thought it was a pretty realistic projection up until I realised that there were only six X-books in the month. I don't think so. Oh and also:

Originally posted by Jim Lemoine
NEW X-MEN #212
Written by Chuck Austen
Cover &amp; pencils by Ron Garney

Surprise follows surprise as we visit a new and never-before-seen alternate future! Angels and demons battle on the streets of New York City as the Sentinels run amok. Nightcrawler at last renounces his religion and joins the war as what's left of the X-Men fight for their survival!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.50
UPC: 5681604456-51211

* THE ONLY COMIC SERIES EVER DENOUNCED BY THE VATICAN!
* BRAND NEW ALTERNATE FUTURE STORY!

UNCANNY X-MEN #472
Written by Ben Raab
Pencils by Bret Blevins

It's the event you never expected to see! A cosmic force emerges from the time-stream... could the Phoenix rise from the ashes? Meanwhile, the trial of the resurrected Magneto continues in Paris, and Sinister goes after the Morlocks! The ever-unpredictable Uncanny continues!

32 PGS./MARVEL PSR…$3.50
UPC: 5661604456-51211

* BRAND NEW STORY-ARC!
* FEATURING WOLVERINE!

At the rate these two are going, I think they'd be at least #300 and #600.

[PsiWar]

:)

it's funny how every supposedly new and unpredictable story sounds old.

hmmm...but what if all of them become real?

[Kevin_Sidney]

:O I just noted the cover prices... let's hope that dark alternate future never happens!

[umanumanamo]

When did they cancel the Ezekiel ongoing?